Prologue: "Day Zero"
I awake in an empty field. The air.. it's so.. pure. Clean. I've never breathed air this clean before. I have no idea where I am, but I'm fully dressed. Which is unusual, as I tend not to be when I sleep.
I have no idea what's going on, or what time it is, so, I check my Cell Phone: 10:26AM, 13 September 2012, and no signal. That's odd. The plan has such great coverage. Hm. Check the Sun's position? Looks like it's closer to 1PM.
?: "Where am I?" I ask myself out loud, as if I expected an answer. "This isn't {exact location redacted}."
My first thought is that.. it's the wrong season. It was fall when I left. It feels like late summer. It's a bit warm, but I'm used to that, since I've been living in California for several years.
I stand, and look around, mainly my Monkey Sense worried about predators on both two legs and four.
A road is seen! It's clearly cut through the terrain, but it's unpaved.
?: "Okay, what would Les Stroud.. never mind, okay, what would Bear Grylls do? Road? Follow it."
Out of habit, I fumble for my cigarettes. None found, but my lighter is on me. Strangely, I also have no "morning cigarette" urge. Very odd indeed. Anyway, Bear Grylls would go over his equipment about now - especially the stuff that episode's sponsor gave him. So, I did just that. What I found in my pockets, shocked me. I was wearing my black cargo slacks, grey T-Shirt, black faux silk shirt with a dragon print on it that my wife gave me for our anniversary, black ankle-high boots, my lucky black boxers, black socks.. my uncle's FEG PA-63, two magazines, two boxes of 50 rounds of Czech surplus 9x18mm Makarov ammunition, my multi-tool knife, the lighter, and for some odd reason, the hunting knife that I have, that a friend gave me after he tried to kill me with it.
?: "How in the hell..? Well, at least I have his holster.. he's gonna want his pistol back.. Jesus, he's going to be mad.." He didn't like it when I removed such things without asking - California, gun control, etc.
I followed the road for hours.. and hours.. and hours, taking a break now and then. I see stream, but I ignore it, as I have no way to boil the water for safety. I'm not trusting it since everywhere I've lived, the water was too polluted, and I don't want to get sick out in the wilderness.
It strikes me as odd, when I see them, that the animals around here seem.. more.. colorful? Healthy? It was hard to put my finger on it.
Eventually, the sun goes down. I notice absolutely no city glow.
?: "Where the sweet blue fuck am I? Canada!?" Yet, it's a bit warm for Canada.
It starts getting late, and getting cool. I'm from Chicago originally, so the cool air is a welcome treat. The only problem? I'M HUNGRY AS FUCK. SO, I check my wallet.
?: "Do I still have that $20? I hope I find a pay phone or a McDonald's soon or something.. yup, still got it." I looked at President Jackson for comfort, and his printed face seemed to be saying to suck it up, buttercup.
While going through my wallet, I fondle the Library Card I got in Kindergarten, 1985. Then I look at photo of myself with my parents, 1988. So, I sit on a rock, examining the contents of my wallet - my memories. Funeral cards from dead relatives, a prayer coin from my deceased and very Christian Aunt.. wedding photo.. and I start missing home.
?: "..and Dad would hit me upside the head for getting weepy while I'm lost. Gotta keep focused.." Both my father and step-dad had done 4 years' service in the Army.. both took some lessons from it, namely, not to panic in an emergency.
I keep walking. Nearly midnight or thereabouts, I'm totally exhausted, thirsty, and hungry. I find a tree, climb it, brace myself to a branch with my belt, and nod off. Slowly, the sun makes its revolution again, and morning comes. Apparently, I had fallen asleep in the middle of someone's morning walk path, and..
Soft Voice: "Excuse me, uhm.. are you alright?"
?: *Mrfr* "Fi' mo' minnits, mom.." Then, my eye cracks open. "OHJESUSITSAFUCKINGMONSTER!"
It's yellow, it's shaped like a horse, and IT'S HOVERING NEXT TO MY FACE!
PA-63 out, aimed, safety off. I'm shaking, I fumble with it, having never been in this kind of situation before. What THE HELL!?
Fluttershy: "A monster!?" *Crie* She cowered, as though I was about to beat her.
Then I realize.. I'm looking.. at Fluttershy..
?: "I'm sorry.. you scared me."
I slip the safety back on, holster the weapon, unfasten my belt, and slide from the tree. Now, I realize.. where I am.. In my head, I'm screaming 'FUCK YOU, M-L-P! FUCK YOU, 4CHAN! GOD DAMNIT!' Angrily, my brain continues its internal rant. 'MOOT, FOR GOD SAKES, WHY TRANSPORT ME TO EQUESTRIA!? I WANTED RESIDENT EVIL! I ROLLED LEON, DAMN IT!' I yell to myself, in my head. All the realizations.. and.. I'm quite mad about it. Curse Bronies and Pegasisters for sending me here for their amusement. Then I notice.. I made Fluttershy just about cry.
?: "I'm really sorry.. Really, really sorry. I was asleep, and.. I thought I was being chased by something, and you woke me up.." I immediately moved to soothe her, and apologize for my actions.
I put my hand on her back, between her wings, and scratch her soft coat, as she sits on the ground, pouting. Her fur.. it's so soft.. so warm. I'm loyal to my Wife, and I'm not a Furry, so.. it doesn't do anything more than if I was petting a kitten.
Fluttershy: "You sure I-I'm not a monster?" She sniffled.
?: "If anyone's the monster around here, it's me.. how many humans have you seen?" I shrugged.
Fluttershy: "Humans?" She cocked a brow, as though she'd never heard that word before.
?: "That's what I am." I patted my own chest.
I know that, deep down, humans are the biggest two-legged monsters on earth.
?: "So.. I must be in.. Equestria.. near Ponyville?" I was trying to make this make sense.
Fluttershy: "Yes.. are there more of you?" She looked around with a bit of concern.
Then I notice Angel hopping up, giving me a hard stare. That rabbit.. he knows.. he must know.. what I am.. what I represent. I look back at him, apologetically. I may not be a big MLP fan, but I'm still human enough to be compassionate. And I was raised to respect life. All life.
?: "Uh, no.. not here.. not that I know of.." I made a look-around, and shrugged.
In my head, I think 'And if there are, I'm going to let them do whomever they want, I want NO PART OF THIS. Somebody, somewhere, is having huge laughs at my expense..' I had no idea how correct I was with that statement.
Fluttershy: "What's your name? Do-Do you have a name? My name is-"
?: "-Fluttershy." I cut her off. "And that's Angel, your bunny." I nodded to him, as he took a protective position before her.
Fluttershy: "How did you know that..?" She looked at me a bit confused.
K: "I.. it's a long story. I'm K{redacted}." I patted her head.
Fluttershy: "Well, K, I.. I don't know how you got here.." She shook her head softly.
K: "..I don't know, either, but I'm pretty sure it had something to do with magic and trolls." I made a frowny face, trying not to scare or offend her.
Fluttershy: "Trolls? Are they bad?" She made a small shiver.
K: "Well, the ones I met, aren't so bad, if you learn to laugh with them.. can we go see Twilight? She might have an answer for this." I gestured.
Fluttershy: "Okay, I suppose that would be alright.." She seemed pensive, but, also like she wanted to help, and didn't know any other way.
We headed to Twilight Sparkle's house. It wasn't terribly far - and on the way, I couldn't' help but feel uneasy. I was completely out of place here, and I knew that my presence would only bring pain. What have I gotten myself into? Why ME!? When we arrived at Twilight's house, Fluttershy knocked for me. Spike answered the door.
Spike: "Hello, Flu-WHOA! What's that?!" His eyes grew big, as he looked me over.
K: "I'm K. I'm a human.. and I'm very, very lost. May I come in and talk to Twilight Sparkle, please? I think she's the only one that can help me.." I shrugged.
Fluttershy: "I-I'm.. going.. to go.." She got shy, and ducked her head.
K: "Thank you, Fluttershy, for walking me here." I gave her a very warm smile.
I gently patted her on the neck, and she let out a small squeak - I couldn't figure out if this was fear or pleasure. For reference, by the by, the top of her head, when standing, was about at my chest. I'm an even 6'0' with my boots on.
Spike: "So.. what's a human..?" He asks as we walk in..
K: "A bipedal, highly evolved primate.. have you ever seen a monkey?" I shrugged.
Spike: "Uh.. no, I don't think so.." He scratched his chin.
K: "Well, we're a sentient species. And unlike ponies and baby dragons, we don't exactly walk around without clothes on.." I gave him a small chuckle.
Spike, seemingly satisfied with this, toddles off to go fetch Twilight. I'm struck by the cuteness of all this. I'm, by no means, a hardass. I'm fairly normal, I have a cat at home, and I happen to like cute things. Twilight comes out, arguing with Spike about something, denying that there could be..
Twilight Sparkle: "A human!?"
K: "Yep, that's me. Name's K. You must be Twilight Sparkle. I already met Spike, your assistant.." I nodded to him.
Spike: "I didn't tell you my.."
K: "It's a very long story, an-" My tummy howls a loud objection.
Twilight Sparkle: "Oh, my, you must be hungry. Wh.. what do humans even eat? I.. I don't think I have a book on that.." She made quick glances to her bookshelves, trying to decide what shelf this would even be ON...
K: "We're omnivores. We eat just about anything, though meat and proteins are an important part of our diet. This can be substituted with other protein sources, like nuts and beans, but a lack of fatty acids can have long term health effects." I said, like a teacher might to a student.
Twilight Sparkle: "Oh! Well.. there's a cafe.. in town.. um.. I think they make ham sandwiches for Griffons and other visitors.. not that we get many visitors.." She shrugged.
K: "Do you know what Pizza is?" I asked, with a note of hope.
Twilight Sparkle: "No.. no.. I've never heard of it." She shook her head.
My inner Chicagoan roils with anger and despair. We worship Pizza.
K: "You think the cafe would trade my knowledge of making pizza for a meal? Pizza can be made with.. well.. everything you guys eat, if you want it that way.." I shrugged a little.
Twilight Sparkle: "I'll talk to Rose.." She nodded a bit at me.
K: "Sounds good." I gave her a smile.
One trip to the Cafe later, and I had to make the pizza in front of them, from scratch. Sadly, ponies cannot into hand-tossed crusts, but Rose and two other Ponies loved it. So did Spike and Twilight. I made one with ham, and one Vegetarian. I had to go with a true Chicago Deep Dish, since the only round pan I could get my hands on, was a Dutch Oven. I explain the basics of what's going on - I'm from another world and somehow, I got sent here. I don't know how I got here, or how to get out of here and back home.
Twilight Sparkle: "I really think we should tell Princess Celestia." She said, concerned, but enjoying her slice.
K: "I'm all for it. Really. Anything. I want to go back home. I mean, you guys have been nice to me and all, but I really don't belong here." I threw up my hands, then went to drinking my 5th cup of water.
In my mind, I'm already afraid of what contact with me, could bring. Twilight writes a hurried letter to Celestia, explaining the situation. A response arrives within minutes - Her Royal Solarness wants Twilight and Spike to escort me to the palace and see her personally. She's sending transport.
Twilight Sparkle: "If anyone can figure out what to do, it's Princess Celestia." She nodded, confidently - her Monarch could do anything.
Spike: "I still don't understand how you knew my name.." He blinked, remaining practical.
I taught Spike how to play War with playing cards, we had played while waiting. The carriage arrives, with a squad of guards. I'm not surprised one bit. If I was Celestia, I'd send a full Company to escort me, just in case I was hostile. I walk up to the one in the lead..
K: "Are you in charge of the escort?" I stepped up to the leading Pony, in some kind of decorative brass armor.
Steelhoof: "Yes. I'm Steelhoof." He nodded to me, curtly.
K: "Then I surrender my weapons to you, willingly. I do expect them back, but I want to show in good faith that I'm not here as a threat." I bowed my head to him respectfully.
Steelhoof: "Weapons..?"
The Hunting Knife, PA-63, and Multi-Tool Knife are all handed over. He examined the PA-63 with curiosity. I wasn't sure if he could manipulate the trigger.
Steelhoof: "What is this contraption?" He cocked a brow at it.
K: "A very dangerous weapon. Be very careful with it." I nodded to him.
Steelhoof: "Of.. course.." *Mutter* "..looks like a toy.."
One flight to the Palace later, and we're in the Throne Room. The majestic Alicorn that greets us can look me in the eye when standing on level ground. Respectfully, I bow to one knee.
K: "Please excuse my intrusion, Your Royal Highness." I look back up to her. "Princess Celestia, my name is K. I'm a human, and I'm very, very lost.."
Glossing over the long and boring conversation (at one point, she adjourns us to her private quarters for.. well.. privacy, she doesn't want idle ears to hear all this), I explain just about everything to her. What I am, where I'm from, how I didn't drink from the streams on my walk here because of pollution.. what Pollution is.. what my PA-63 is.. what it can do..
Princess Celestia: "I would like to see a demonstration of this.. forgive me, K, but it looks like a toy.." She nodded to the pistol.
K: "I understand.. I mean, if I was in your position, having never seen a firearm before, I would want proof, too. Can we go to the garden?" I gestured.
Princess Celestia: "Of course." She nodded.
In the garden, she has a guard set up an archery target for me. I insist that it have a stone backstop. I'm not a fantastic shot with this thing, I've only shot this particular weapon a few times, but I manage to hit the target cleanly. I then show her the damage to the stone backstop.
K: "This is why I say this is a dangerous weapon. Just like magic can be. In the wrong hands, weapons like this have brought suffering and death in my world. But in the right hands, they've saved countless lives, won great wars against evil, and protected the innocent." I said, trying to neutrally explain the history of firearms in just a couple sentences.
Princess Celestia: "You haven't magic in your world?" She asked, but didn't seem like she'd be shocked if I said 'no.'
I show her the old 'pick a card' trick, using Spike, since Twilight and the Princess might inadvertently cheat without realizing it.
K: "That's all the magic we have. Sleight of hand. Where I come from, the strong can prey upon the weak, thus, the weak must be able to protect themselves.. not everyone agrees with this idea, but I do." I shrugged.
After another lengthy discussion, mainly about my problem, Celestia and Twilight come to the conclusion that I'm rather stuck here for the time being.
K: "So.. what do I do?" I looked around a bit.
Princess Celestia: "You are welcome in Equestria. It's getting late.. and I would like to try this pizza my student spoke so highly of. At least for the night, I will have a room prepared for you." She nodded to me, with a very Mommy smile.
K: "Alright. Show me to the kitchen, and I'll make a pizza or two." I shrugged.
To say that Her Royal Sun-like-ness enjoyed the pizza is an understatement.
Princess Celestia: "I think I've found the perfect job for you, while you're here.. Pizza maker!" She beamed a grin.
K: "Great, am I going to get a tramp stamp because of this? That's going to be very hard to explain to my wife.." I cocked a brow at her, with a cheesy grin.
Princess Celestia: "What's a.. Tramp.. Stamp?" She seemed confused.
Facepalm. Explain. Explain that it was just a joke. Celestia laughs.
Princess Celestia: "Your world truly does have strange things." She smiled.
K: "I think this goes both ways. As I explained to you, in my world, you all are but fictional moving pictures. No one would believe me if I told them about this." I shook my head.
In my head, I'm reminding myself very sternly that I AM NOT TELLING HER ABOUT BRONIES! NEVER! It would break her mind, and I'm trying VERY hard to make it look like humanity has at least SOME redeeming qualities (KIDDING!). After the pizza, Celestia lets me wander around the palace. I voluntarily leave my PA-63 in her care. Not that I wouldn't mind having it, but I'm trying to show good faith here. And guess who I stumble into?
Princess Luna: "OH! Excuse us.. we did not see you." She bowed slightly.
K: "You must be Luna. I'm sorry, Princess Luna. Forgive my unbidden familiarity, Your Highness." I bow at her feet.. hooves.. whatever.
Princess Luna: "You must be the human that we heard the help speaking of." She smiled a bit.
K: "I am. It's a pleasure to meet you.. did you get the pizza I had sent to you?" I tilted my head, questioningly.
Princess Luna: "Yes, and we did enjoy it. It is a most unusual feast. Oh, please, rise. We welcome you to our sister's palace." She nodded to me.
I rise, as bidden. Realize she's a bit shorter than Celestia, still. And she seems.. stuffy.. but without realizing it. She also seems rather guarded.. no, introverted.
K: "Having a hard time fitting in?" I jumped right in, the caring person that I am, wanting her to feel comfortable around me.
I've always been a problem-solver with my friends..
Princess Luna: *Gasp* "How.. why would you say such a thing of us?!" She seemed.. more hurt than offended.
K: "Because I know you spent a thousand years on the moon, and you're trying to adapt to life here and now.. and people.. uh, ponies.. don't see you.. hardly ever. I'd call that 'having a hard time fitting in.'" I shrugged.
Princess Luna: "And what would you know about us fitting in!? For all you know, we fit in just.. just fine.." She was being defensive.
K: "Uh-huh. Yeah, listen, I know what it's like living life on the outside. I was an outcast in school, I know what I'm looking at." I shook my head.
Princess Luna: *Huff* "You really think we cannot fit in among the commoners!?" She raised a brow.
K: "I think you're having a very hard time holding up your stiff front. When was the last time someone came and visited you? Someone that wanted to see YOU and not your sister? The last time someone wanted to do something with YOU.. socially?" I lowered myself to look her in the eyes.
Princess Luna: "I-Why.. how.. you.. we.." She blinks once. "..not since we have returned.." She looks down, sad-ish.
K: "Then how about you show me around the palace? Maybe walk around the gardens?" I held my hand out to her. Inviting, friendly. "Just you and me. I think you could use a friend that understands.. and.." I take a look around the hallway.. everything made for Ponies.. "..right now, I really, really understand.."
I end up spending a very inadvertently semi-romantic evening with the Princess of the Moon. And I'm shocked at just how readily I open up to her.. and how receptive she is.. eager she is.. for attention.. any kind of attention.
Princess Luna: "We.. have truly enjoyed the evening with you."
Dear God, she's blushing. I feel like an ass. Did I accidentally make her think I'm attracted to her? She knows I'm married, but what does that mean to a Princess? Especially since she knows full well that I'm a very, very long way from home. FRIENDSHIP! That's right.. that's how these Ponies work.. must remain loyal.. must remain chaste.. must not let any of these female ponies think for an instant that I want to get romantic with them..
K: "And I did with you as well. I haven't spent such a magnificent evening with anyone since my wife and I first met.."
Yes, yes, remind her that you're wed to another..
Princess Luna: "..but she isn't here.."
'Oh, fuck.. don't go there.. you can't possibly be that desperate..' I think to myself, in fear.
Princess Luna: "..and we are."
I felt her wing slide around my shoulders, and I was at once afraid, and very warm. It felt.. like it did when I met my wife. Both social outcasts in our own rights, we fit together so well.. and I'm feeling that same thing from Luna.. that and her muzzle against my neck. My reaction at this point can only be summed up as: whybonerwhy.jpeg
K: "I-I would really appreciate your friendship, Your Highness.." I was fully flushed in the face.
Suddenly, I'm on my back, on the balcony to her room, and she's on top of me. I feel her hooves on the front of my shoulders. Her eyes.. are looking into mine.. like she can see what I'm thinking.. what my instincts want me to do..
Princess Luna: "..we think friendship is the least of your desires.. it certainly is ours.. it's been so long since we've felt the warmth of another being.." She smiled, but it was soft and caring.
My reaction? ugonnagitraped.jpeg Well, let's see.. how does one get out of this? Answer: I'm doomed. I watch as her horn glows and I can feel my pants getting undone. Part of me wants to fuck her badly. The other, larger part of me knows I'm going to Hell if I do, and loves my wife so much.. I can't. And moreover, I know my wife wouldn't want me to get with another female if there was even a chance of getting back. Without warning, I feel cool air on my pubes. It's hard as a rock. God, forgive me my sins, this is going to happen. Then, Warmth. Moistness. I groan loudly. So does she. Her body slides down over mine.. her snout nuzzling my neck, her lips find mine.. then, I realize I'm balls-deep inside a pony, and I'm kissing her.
WHAT HAVE I BECOME!?
Screw it, I'm going for it.
K: "Forgive me, Princess, I do better on top.."
I slide around to her back, twist my shaft inside her, so I have her in classic doggy position. Thrusting ensues. Hard, fluid, wet slapping noises as I feel her astral tail glide around and through my balls and pubes, exciting them in ways I never imagined. We moan, grunt, and groan like horny teenagers. I came. She came three or four times.
Princess Luna: *Ngh* "More.. more.. we desire more..!" She lolled her tongue out of her mouth.
K: "Okay, well.. I can.."
She slips off of me, slides around and imbibes my shaft like it's nothing. I can feel her throat as she sucks on it like a starved whore. I caress her neck, her astral mane.. dear God, I'm sinning.. it feels so good.. Satan, take my soul, this feels so good.. She mewls and moans as she suckles on my rod.. it explodes in her mouth, and she greedily sucks up every drop. She then flips back around and raises her tail..
Princess Luna: "We.. we would have you take us in.. the other hole.."
I can see her blushing.. and I no longer care. I get into position and slide in, slamming home once I'm aligned. She shrieks in pleasure.. and starts bucking into my thrusts. Dear God, it's glorious.. I'm fucking Princess Luna.. and it's just.. so, so good.. She explodes, I explode, and I slump over her back, balls aching, exhausted.
K: "That.. was.. fantastic.."
Princess Luna: "We.. we are.. most pleased.."
Sometimes, I hate being Catholic. The next morning, I hated every second of it. I'd done the unthinkable. I'd broken my marital vows.. with an animal. A sentient animal, but still. I'd violated my marriage, and I felt so guilty.. Then I saw Luna, curled up, happy. Smiling at me as she dozed off with the coming of the morning.. after the cumming of the night.
At least my sin brought happiness to a dark and sad heart. If I'm going to Hell, I take solace in the thought that I have made someone feel good about themselves.. brought them joy for several sweaty minutes. Then, I realized.. Celestia is going to kill me. I just fucked her emotionally vulnerable sister. Royal Rape, as far as she'll probably be concerned. Guillotine? I should be so lucky, these are horses. I'm going to be drawn and quartered!
MUST ESCAPE!
Out of bed, dressed, get my shit together..
CRAP! My gun! I can't leave that here!
To her study, I creep, Naked Snake-ing my way past oblivious pony guards.
Into her study.. and the fireplace is lit. No sign of the Princess.. but.. aha! There's my pistol. On the table, right where I left it.
Sneak, sneak, sneak..
Princess Celestia: "K!"
I am going to die.
K: "P-Princess Celestia!" *Uneasy chuckle*
I turn, and she's.. looking at me.
Princess Celestia: "You.. didn't use the room I had prepared for you last night." She blinked.
K: "Uh.. well.."
Princess Celestia: "And the guards saw you with Princess Luna in the evening.." She cut me off.
K: "..yeah, about that.."
With the worst timing in the history of everything, a very sultry Princess Luna staggers into the doorway, finding it rather hard to walk this morning..
Princess Luna: "Oh, K.. last night.. was truly magical.. we had never been taken so thoroughly before.." She dripped lust in those words.
My face goes red.. then pale.. and I flit my eyes over to where her sister is standing, out of her line of sight..
Princess Luna: "OH! Sister!"
Princess Celestia: "K? What did you two do last night?" Her tone wasn't angry, it was 'Mommy is concerned.'
K: "Uh.."
Princess Celestia: "And why does my sister smell of lust unbridled?!" She was getting more agitated, now that the scent hit her nose.
K: "UH..!"
Princess Celestia: "And why do you look like you were rode hard and put up wet!?" She asked me, directly.
K: "Because I was?" Mental facepalm. Way to go, fucker. "I-I can explain!!"
Backing off.. backing off..
Princess Luna: "SISTER! Do not be cross with the human.. we.. I must admit that it was all my doing.. I was so lonely, and he showed me kindness and friendship... and.. please don't be mad.." She's practically cowering.. her astral mane deflates to normal hair. She's afraid, FOR ME..
Princess Celestia: "I.. don't.. know what to say.." Celestia fixes me with a gaze. "Sit. I must speak with my sister."
K: "Yes, ma'am." I said in a very apologetic tone.
And I sit down. And they walk off to Luna's bedroom. And I'm terrified of what might happen next. I fiddle with the PA-63's safety, seriously contemplating suicide. Better that than deprive the world of Celestia.. I'm such a noble bastard, I hate it..
After some time, Celestia, alone, comes into the room. She's.. slightly blushing..
Princess Celestia: "My sister tells me you're.. not like a stallion.." This is not going well. Her voice is like honey.
K: "Uh, well, as I explained.. humans are like monkeys, and-WHOA!"
My pants are off. I can see the locking knobs on the doors turn. I remember the sicker Brony bastards (No hate for Bronies, just saying) and that whole Princess Molestia thing. All the time, I'm thinking MY ANUS IS NOT PREPARED! NOT! PREPARED! My deepest fear is that horn going places that it shouldn't, or worse.
Princess Celestia: "I want to see for myself.." Her voice is.. sultry..
God? I'm sorry I broke my marital vows! PLEASE DON'T HAVE HER GROW A 15-INCH DICK AND RAPE ME TO DEATH! I PROMISE I'LL NEVER CUSS AGAIN, I'LL GO TO CHURCH TWICE A WEEK, AND THREE TIMES ON SUNDAY! ANYTHING!
I feel.. a.. something I can't describe.. a tingling sensation in my balls and along my shaft. It's getting hard. Very hard. Harder than it ever has.
K: "Uh, Princess.."
Princess Celestia: "Shh.." Herr hoofshoes come off, and she places a hoof gently on my lips. "..do to me what you did to my sister.."
She said it like.. like she wasn't sure how to ask. That was the tone in her voice. Not shame, just.. lack of familiarity. In my mind, I'm whining like a little bitch. I feel.. dirty.. being molested by ponies.. oh, well.. she is.. kinda cute, I guess, and-
Those lips find mine, her tongue in my throat, and my objections vanish. I hear clinking noises as her royal vestments hit the table. I push her onto her carpet, sliding my arms under her foreleg shoulders. My shaft finds her royal honeypot, and stabs it in.
Princess Celestia: *Oooh!!*
An almost girlish squeal. My face fixes into determination and pleasure.. and I fuck her. No, I rail her into the floor. Her little squeals and moans fill the air as her vaginal walls contract around my rod and milk that sun'a'bitch like a golden goose. I'm pounding into her, and she's panting for more.. more..
Princess Celestia: *NGAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!*
Did it just get hot in here? She exploded but I wasn't done. Like her sister before her, I railed her hard until it was my time. And when I exploded, I immediately pulled out and slid back towards my seat, my hand gently at the base of her mighty horn, pulling her off her back, her legs shaking, as she got to her feet..
K: "Open your Royal mouth.."
I slithered, lustily.. she complied, and I guided my shaft between those lips.. to that tongue.. and with more.. aplomb than her sister, she sucked my knob hard enough to suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. Reclined back, so her horn wouldn't impale me as she orally pleasured me, I exploded in her mouth.
K: "Now, front down, flank up.." I instructed with confidence..
She looked just a little afraid, and I was feeling like a damned conqueror. I slammed it in just like I had with Luna.. thrust.. thrust.. moan, shriek, squeal.. sweat.. release. And I laid down over her back, again, exhausted, and with my balls aching like never before.
After a lengthy shower, and a long talk with Celestia and Luna, we agreed that this NEVER HAPPENED.
Princess Celestia: "..and I expect you to not bring this up with my student, either." She was blushing a bit.
K: "You have my word, your highness. I don't want to cause trouble here.. it was.." I shrugged.
Princess Celestia: "..a moment of curiosity and weakness that never happened." She said, trying to deny it.
Princess Luna: "But.. we did enjoy it." She blushed DEEPLY.
Luna nuzzled me gently. A thanks? I wasn't sure.
K: "My wife.."
Princess Celestia: "Will never know."
She smiled at me warmly. There's the Motherly Celestia that I remembered from the show! Always with the confidence.
K: "..I'll try to forget about this, but.. I have a faith, and I know what I've done is wrong. My wife may never know, but it's between my God and me, now." I nodded slowly.
And guess what? I *never* talk faith around *anyone* - my wife isn't Christian, and I accept that. But for the first time in my life, I'm feeling genuine Catholic Guilt here. I've NEVER felt that.
Princess Celestia: "I can't pretend to understand, but I offer you my sympathies." She nodded a little.
K: "I'll work it out. Don't trouble yourself over my faith. Now, ah.. what do we do with me?" I shrugged.
Princess Celestia: "I've asked Twilight to look after you, and get you settled in Ponyville for the time being, while I try to investigate some method of getting you back where you belong." She sighed, shrugged, and got back into her businesslike tone.
K: "Sounds good. I have a feeling my opposable thumbs are going to come in handy down there.." I smirked a little.
Princess Luna made a most-unladylike chuckle/giggle noise.
K: "..pun not intended."
Several hours later, I'm back at the Cafe. Rose wants me to become her official pizza chef. As a Chicagoan, this is my solemn and delicious duty - to bring pizza to the uninitiated masses. Meanwhile, Twilight wants to introduce me to her friends. I hope they get along with me.. I don't want a repeat of high school.
First stop, Rarity. Twilight and Spike bring me to her shop. I catch a glance of her little sister running off - cute as a button, she is. It brings a smile to my face, thinking of my nephew.
Twilight Sparkle: "Rarity! I have a new friend for you to meet!" She said, all chipper, as we entered her Boutique.
Rarity: "Oh? Goodness, darling.. whatever do.." *Quiver* "Oh, my..!" She said, seeing me.. looking at me all over.
K: "Greetings, I'm K. I'm.. a human, and-"
Rarity: "-I've never seen something like you before! And you wear clothes ALL the time?" She was zooming around me, examining the material and the clothes with her hooves.
K: "Yes, uh.. humans aren't exactly nice to look at, naked, all the time.." I blushed a bit.
Rarity: "I must.. I'm.. one moment!" She dashes off into her shop.
K: "Does she always do this?" I looked at Twilight.
Twilight Sparkle: "I've never really seen her like this before. She seems.." She shrugged.
Spike: "..inspired..." He trailed off, distracted.
I can practically see the hearts in his eyes. He wants her in a bad, bad way. God, I hope I haven't started something bad here..
K: "Spike, you're blushing." I said, quietly, to him.
Spike: "OH!"
He goes quiet as Rarity returns to the room with measuring tape and various cloth pieces and items. I'm being sized up like a slab of beef. Her horn telekinetically pulls me this way and that. I'm a little miffed, but I completely understand Genius Inspiration when I see it. I let her contort me without objection. Rarity starts talking my ear off about what material I'm used to wearing.. clothing styles I like..
Rarity: "And where ever did you get this DIVINE shirt, darling?" She looked carefully at it, examining the pattern.
K: "Uh, well, my wife bought it for our last anniversary.. and as for materials.. you might find this offensive, but, humans wear animal hide just as readily as we wear natural fabrics. I'm partial to denim for pants, and cotton for shirts. Simple stuff, though.. you know, working clothes?" I tilted her head.
Rarity: "And why the dreadful black, darling? Blue would suit you so much better.." She poo-poo'd my color choice, but flicked her mane when she said 'blue' as if demonstrating the exact color.
K: "I like black. It's my favorite color, until they make something darker." I smiled.
Rarity: *Giggle* "Well! I think I can work with this, yes.." And she walks off without a comment about the animal hide thing..
K: "Well, that was fascinating." I blinked.
Twilight Sparkle: "I think she likes you." She smiled broadly.
K: "I think she likes the fact that she has a whole new concept of clothing to design for. I have a feeling I'm going to turn into a walking billboard for her designs.." I chuckled a bit.
Spike: "I wouldn't mind.." Again, the hearts.. it's like I can hear bubbles popping.
Next up is Applejack. Now, her, I'm sure I can relate to. I'm something of a country boy in that I'm somewhat socially conservative and happen to enjoy an honest day's work. Plus, my family were all corn farmers until recently.
Twilight Sparkle: "Applejack!?" She called out when we entered the orchard. Apples, apples everywhere. Smells so good.
AJ: "YEAH! ONE SEC!" *THUMP*
Big Mac: "Hm.."
He plods over to us.. the look in his face is.. hard to read, but he doesn't seem like he's all that happy to see me.
Twilight Sparkle: "Big Mac? This is K. He's a human." She nodded to me.
Big Mac: "Eyup.." His brow raises. Distrust. I smile and offer my hand.
K: "Hello! Nice to meet you." I smile as cheerfully as I can.
Big Mac: "Eyup.."
He "low-five hoofs" my hand. Not rudely, but not exactly friendly, either. He looks at Twilight, then plods off. Just then, I spotted Applejack coming over the hill.. oh, dear god. I'm immediately struck with how much prettier she looks 'in person.' She's smiling, happy, bubbly, and she talks like a much more Country-fied version of my wife, with a more girly voice. She looks right at me, pauses a brief moment, and comes over, putting on the airs of confidence.
AJ: "Howdy, y'all! I'm Applejack!" She leaned on the fence, giving me a big grin.
K: "I'm K. It's nice to meet you." I didn't realize my tone went 'more familiar' than normal.
AJ: "So.. yer a human, huh? Humans eat apples at all?" She glanced at one of the trees.
K: "I love apples. We can't live on apples alone, but the vitamin content in them is.." I shrugged.
She blinks at the Sciency Stuff.
K: "...they're delicious." I stopped, and just bowed my head.
She one-leg kicks the nearest tree, and I catch one as it and a few others drop to the ground. PINK apples? A bite. So sweet. I nom the whole thing down.
K: "Wow, that's really good.." I say, between bites.
AJ: "I never seen a human before. So, what can ya do?" She chirped up.
I blink.. then, just like when I was a kid, I scale the tree she just kicked, pick three red apples (from the same tree? Whatever, it's magic, and I don't deserve an explanation), and scale back down with them, handing them out.
K: "I can climb trees.." I said, shrugging.
AJ: "Whoa.. that's amazin'.." She was in awe.
K: "..and I can grab and manipulate stuff more easily, since I have these.." I wiggle my thumbs.
AJ: "Gosh! I bet you'd be a real help around a farm.." She trailed off.
K: "Funny you should mention that, my family used to be farmers until two generations before me. Some of my extended family still farm." I shrugged.
AJ: "Really! What kind'a farmin'?" She leaned into the fence a bit.
K: "Corn." I nodded.
AJ: "Oh! Never farmed that before." She tilted her head.
K: "It's not incredibly hard, but it takes a lot of work." I shrugged.
AJ: "Y'all don't seem too accustomed to that.." She prodded my admittedly soft belly. I've been out of work lately, so, I've gone softer than I want to be.
K: "I.. well, where I come from, I haven't had a job in a while.. we actually have more humans than we have jobs, so, sometimes, you get unlucky and lose your job." I tried to explain it without it sounding horrible.
Applejack and Twilight both gasp. Even Spike looks shocked.
Twilight Sparkle: "That's terrible, K! I can't imagine not having a job.." She blinked.
I wasn't going to explain how I found out the manager was trying to screw three of the girls at the store, two of them were in High School, and me calling him on his sexual harassment of them is what got him on getting me fired for shit I didn't do.
K: "It's boring and it leads to softening of the belly area, among other things. But, give me time and something to do, I'll firm up." I nodded to her.
AJ: "Betch'a ain't never been as firm as me!" She.. swayed her flank at me. Almost inviting me.. and before I knew it, I was feeling up her flank.
K: "You are pretty strong.."
She blushed. And I knew this was going to end in tears, shattered hopes and broken dreams. REAL fast.
K: "Uh.. well.. I should be going.. uh.. I have to meet the rest of your friends." I coughed uneasily.
AJ: "Would y'all come back..? Uh, for dinner?" She asked, softly.
K: "Sure. I can try making an Apple Pizza.." I smiled to her.
The Party Queen was up next. We met her in town, and she saw me, the first thing she could think of was..
Pinkie Pie: "WOW! You look black and peach!" She blinked at me several times.
K: "Uh, yes.. I'm K. You must be Pinkie-"
Pinkie Pie: "CUPCAKES!"
I feel my hand grabbed in her hoof, and I'm dragged off to her bakery. She sits me down, with Twilight and Spike coming as fast as they can behind us. A plate of delicious cupcakes is set in front of me.
K: "..these look really good." My mouth waters a little, seeing them - unlike the pure corn syrup concoctions at the local store, these had bits of jam and fruit in them.
Pinkie Pie: "YEAH! They're my favorite. Here, try one!" She was practically bouncing.
I do. Delicious. Sweet, but not TOO sweet. Just how I like my confections.
Pinkie Pie: "Aren't they great!?" She gave me a manic grin.
K: "Yes, they are." I smiled, and laughed a bit.
Pinkie Pie: "Twi, Spike, don't feel left out, here, have some!" She jams one in Spike's poor mouth.
K: "I've actually been looking forward to meeting you. My wife's best friend is a big fan of yours." I shrugged, thinking of both of them.
Pinkie Pie: "Reeeally?!" She leaned in a bit.
K: "Yes, you see, I'm a human-"
Pinkie Pie: "I know! Are you one of those Bronies!?"
Horror can only describe my reaction. Has my mere presence granted her Fourth-Wall Access to.. to.. 4CHAN!? Oh, God, no.. please, don't let her go Murderous Rampage.. I don't want to die while watching her make a cake from my innards.
K: "Uh.. no, no.. I.. I've seen the show and all, but.."
Pinkie Pie: "Cool! Then you KNOW I have to throw you a Welcome-to-Ponyville party!" She squee'd.
K: "Let me guess - it's already planned?" I tilted my head.
Pinkie Pie: "Nine o'clock tonight!" She slides up right under my arm, rubbing her head on my jaw.. Dear God, it's true, she smells like cotton candy.. so sweet..
K: "Got it." I nodded with a smile.
Pinkie Pie: *Hint-of-Darkly* "Don't forget!"
She stabs a nearby kitchen knife into a cake, savagely.. then calmly cuts herself a slice and walks off.
I WAS JUST FUCKING TROLLED BY GODDAMN PINKIE PIE!!!
Fastest wings in Equestria was next on Twilight's list. No, really, she had a goddamned checklist.
Twilight Sparkle: "..and if there's time afterwards, I want to hear about the history of this 'faith' that you have." She said, looking down at the checklist.
K: "Trust me, no you don't. Christianity is part of my world, and I know from firsthand experience that people who take it to extremes or interpret things a certain way.. they get violent and mean for no reason other than not liking how another person chooses to have faith. I don't want that kind of knowledge to spread here.. I couldn't bear it if it was used to cause pain. I've seen that too often." I shrugged a bit as we walked.
And I'm supposed to be Catholic, folks, remember this. And this is pretty much how I feel on the subject.
Twilight Sparkle: "I understand.." She said in a dejected but understanding tone.
K: "Instead, I'll explain Greece and how it was one of the first great civilizations of my world." I nodded to her.
I'd just read a whole bunch of articles on Greek-era archeology, so, it was fresh in my mind.
Twilight Sparkle: "Okay!" THAT cheered her up.
Spike: "I'd like to know more about this Pizza and where it came from." He grinned.
He's munching on a Ham-and-Pineapple slice. We'd stopped off at the Cafe for lunch-to-go. Handy thing about Pizza like that.
Twilight Sparkle: "Rainbow Dash is.. competitive.. she's.." She was trying to be nice - I didn't realize it, yet, but she hadn't known any of them for very long.
K: "I've seen how she acts. I like her spirit.. I hope she appreciates mine." I shrugged.
I'm not a physical person, folks. She could smoke me at a brisk trot. Arm wrestling? Maybe when I was still working.. maybe. In a field on the edge of town, RD is showing off and having herself a little fun when we walk up.
Twilight Sparkle: "DASH! COME DOWN! I HAVE SOMEONE TO MEET YOU!"
Rainbow Dash: "Comin' down!" She called from the skies.
*ZOOM* Right past me, then around me, then she lands right in front of me.
Rainbow Dash: "Hey there, stranger!" She beamed a grin at me.
K: "Hello, Rainbow Dash. I'm K. I'm.. a human." I shrugged.
Rainbow Dash: "No wings, eh?" She gave me a quick glance-over.
K: "On the contrary, humans have mastered mechanical means of flight. We have air-traveling powered craft that can fly faster than the speed of sound for lengthy sustained times. We can go hundreds of miles in just under an hour.." I nodded to her.
The Concorde. London-to-New York in 55 Minutes. I so wanted to take that flight one day, but then they discontinued it.. I had a sad that day.
Rainbow Dash: "WHOA! REALLY!? But still, I don't see no air.. travelly.. crafty.. things around here." She puffed up a bit.
K: "You're right. I can't fly without them. But I can probably build a glider.. it's not the same thing, really, but it's close." I shrugged.
Rainbow Dash: "Cool! I'd love to fly with you some time!" She was chipper at the idea of a new flying buddy.
K: "I'd like that, too. It's not every day one gets a chance to share the skies with the fastest creature in existence.." I gave her a smirking grin.
Rainbow Dash: *Slight blush* "Yer just buttering me up."
K: "A little." I cocked a brow, smirked, and gave her a gentle shoulder poke. "Still, the Sonic Rainboom is pretty awesome.. I can't wait to see what happens if you completely master it."
After all of that, I pulled Twilight to Fluttershy's place. I hadn't thanked her properly, yet. Once she guided me there, she left to her library to get some books out that she wanted me to see. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to do anything more than look at the pictures, but still.
I knocked on her door, and when she answered, she was blushing.
Fluttershy: "OH! K.. I.. I didn't think I'd see you again.." *Murmur* She was almost cowering.
K: "I didn't get a chance to thank you properly for walking me to town, or apologizing properly for drawing a gun on you." I shrugged, and held out my peace offering. Pizza. With her favorite vegetables as toppings. I'd asked Twilight about them.
Fluttershy: "Ohh.. oh, thank you.. I was about to make lunch.. uhm.. would you like to join me?" She gestured inside.
Note here, folks. I always feel bad for her, not because she's so shy unless provoked, but because she seems like.. like the wallflower girl that never gets her chance and becomes a sad thing later in life. I have sympathy for Fluttershy, and I can tell that she sometimes needs more hugs than she gets. So, I more than willingly..
K: "Yeah, sure." Accept and come inside. As I expected, Angel was giving me a death stare. "I don't think Angel likes me.."
I cock a brow at him while Fluttershy sets the pizza in her kitchen on the table, and gets out a few things. With her back turned, Angel takes his carrot and draws it like a dagger across his throat.
I lean into him with an even, unblinking stare.
K: *Whisper* "I don't know how much you know, or what judgement you've passed on me, but I'm not here to corrupt this place. I just want to go home. If I make friends in the process, great. On the other hand, you try cutting my throat, and I'm gonna make rabbit stew out of your cotton-tail'ed ass!"
To drive my point home, I uncover my knife sheath on my hip, slow and casual, but keep it sheathed. Angel crosses his arms.. apparently satisfied with my answer to his challenge, he hops off. Lunch with The Shy One went better than I expected. Especially when I brought up America's National Parks and the scenic splendor of them. I deliberately avoided the painful subjects, and focused on the natural wonders of earth.
Fluttershy opened up when we got to talking about cute animals. Angel left me be, and even accepted a pizza slice from me. He still kept his distance, though. No trust from the Cotton Fiend, not that I didn't expect this.
Dinner with the Apples! Dear God, the spread. They baked a damned turkey. Apple Pizza? Maybe next time, I was being feted here.
K: "I didn't know ponies ate meat.." I tilted my head.
AJ: "Well, only on special 'ccasions.. Big Mac went and whacked this 'un by accident anyway, so we didn't want it goin' to waste!" She grinned at me.
Big Mac: *Glare* "Eyup.."
He hates me.. why is it that certain people around here hate me? I've never done anything to Big Mac.. Accident? Yeah, right, I know what a broken chest cavity looks like on a turkey. He stomped it. Anger issues? From a Pony? Unheard-of!
K: "I appreciate it. It's delicious." But, I played it off.
Granny Smith: "MM'neverseen'a human b'fore.." She examined me carefully.
K: "Yes, ma'am. And just like ponies, we're all different." I shrugged.
AJ: "Do you get Cutie Marks, too?" She tilted her head at me.
K: "No, but some humans get tattoos on themselves for similar reasons - memories, important events, or part of what they do. Military humans especially like getting tattoos. Usually of their unit or something like that. We have a choice on getting tattoos on us, so most humans get ones for very special reasons." I gestured a bit.
AJ: "Wow! Do you have any tattoos?" She blinked, with a grin.
K: "No, I don't. I haven't found a reason to get one." I shook my head. "You know, Pinkie is throwing me a party. In about an hour."
AJ: "Ah'd expect her to! Yer the biggest thing ta happen here in ages! Uh, no offense intended.." She kinda chuckled uneasily a little.
K: "It's cool. I know I'm taller than the rest of you, it doesn't bother me any." I shrugged.
Dinner went on like this. And afterwards, I helped wash up, and helped Granny get the cooking materials put away. Mac.. avoided me the rest of the evening. So, after grabbing some apple pies from Granny, we were off to the party.
The party! Pinkie outdid herself this time. Food, drinks, friends, decorations.. it's really a Party. Pinkie introduces me around to everyone in her usual excited fashion. The CMC gang got a group hug from me and some reassuring words of how they'll find their place in the world soon enough. Twilight got into a shpeil about how this is an exciting day for ponykind, making friends with something so new and interesting. While everyone focuses on Twilight and Pinkie, I notice Octavia and Scratch are off in the corner, arguing about something. They're trying to keep it out of the line of sight of everyone, but I see this discontent and walk over.
K: "You're Octavia and Vinyl Scratch, right?" I pointed my finger between them.
Vinyl Scratch: *Hmpf* "ye-OH! Sorry. Yeah, I'm Vy." She nodded to me, a bit flustered.
Octavia: "Yes, I am Octavia.. it's a pleasure to meet you, K." She bowed a bit, and slightly blushed.
K: "Likewise.. what's the fight about?" I shrugged at them.
Vinyl Scratch and Octavia at the same time:
Vinyl Scratch: "She wants to play her-"
Octavia: "And she wants to get on her-"
Vinyl Scratch: "-ruin my phresh beats with her screeching-"
Octavia: "-uncultured thrash noises and-"
K: "Enough! Both of you!" I gently hold my hands out to both of them, keeping them apart. Everyone's looking at us. I ignore this. "Listen, I think I have a solution to this.."
I go over to Vinyl's table and examine her gear. I helped out with a friend of mine's rig at one time, so I'm vaguely familiar with what I'm looking at. I flip through her discs until I find an orchestral one..
K: "Scratch, 'Tavia, c'mere.." I said, just sliding in to speaking to both of them in the familiar.
I motion them over, and point out this particular record, and the song it contains. I then work with Octavia, who is thoroughly familiar with this piece, to bump the rhythm around some. I played a brass instrument in school, so, I know bass clef music sheets to a degree. After a little tinkering, I have them playing a Techno-Orchestral rendition of that song.. and I can see the friendship sparkling between them. Smiles all around. And dancing.
Ah, yes, the dancing. Out of respect to her office, I gave Mayor Mare a twirl. She giggled like a schoolgirl, and thanked me for it. I also ended up dancing with Pinkie - like I had a choice - and did some time with Rarity as well. Ballroom Dancing - she wasn't familiar with doing it on two hooves, but we managed to make it work. Even Fluttershy gave me a dance (I thought her heart was going to explode, it was beating so hard). The whole time, I had a ball. I was smiling.. it's rare I get this happy in (what I thought was) my old world.
When the party was about over, I excused myself. I hadn't seen AJ since she brought me here. I found her out back, just.. looking at the night sky.
K: "Hey, Applejack.. I didn't see you much at the party.." I leaned against the fence she was next to.
AJ: "Yeah.. Kinda.. got overshadowed in there.." She sounded a bit sad.
K: "I'm sorry. You brought me here and I got completely pulled around.. I didn't spend any time with you at all." A hand on her shoulder. Left front.
AJ: "Yeh.. say.. where're you stayin' tonight?" She cut right in.
K: "I'm.. actually not sure." I shrugged.
AJ: "Wanna stay on the Farm.. uh.. tonight?" She smiled a bit.
K: "Sure. I'd love to. The last time I slept at a farm, I was just a kid." I chuckled. My Great Uncle A{redacted}. I could see his face clearly. I missed him, too. We start walking to her home. "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to ignore you like that."
AJ: "It's.. it's okay. I mean.. I don't stand out all so much.." She said, a bit glumly.
K: "Really?" I quirk a brow at this. She reminds me, right now, of how my wife acted when I first met her.
AJ: "Ah ain't as purty as Rarity.. ah cain't do majik lahk Twahlight.. I ain't'a good with animals like Fluttershy, 'lest I'm round'n 'em up.. I cain't fly lahk the wind lahk Dash.. an' I ain't never gonna be a party animal an' spooky lahk Pinkie.."
She's had something intoxicating. She's slurring her words a little.
K: "I think you're pretty.." I said, lifting the word at the end of the sentence to make it sound friendly and not flirtatious. She blushed hard. "And I can't fly, either. Magic? Humans don't have that, either. And as for animals, humans tend to hunt them, so.." I shrugged "..and Pinkie is way, way out there. I like them all as friends, but I'm not able to keep up with them in what they do."
We're at the gate. She walks me to the barn. After all, the house would be just a tad small for me to get around and in. AJ puts her hooves up on a barn rail.
AJ: "Yah really think ah'm purty?" She blushed.
K: "Of course I do." I Smile. Friendly. I'm not even considering that I'm talking to a desperate drunk - she's a friend in need right now.
AJ: "Ah think yer kinda purty.. ah-I mean, handsome.." Hard blushing.
NOW I see what's going on here.. it's the same thing that happened with my wife. Bad self image, now I'm telling her she's pretty? Christ, I made a strategic error here..
K: "Yeah, and I think we're going to be great friends, Applejack." I hope that was gentle enough..
AJ: "Y'all must be lonely without yer wife.. friends? Is that all y'all want outta me?" She said, in a kinda strange tone.
She stalks into the barn, laying out the spare blankets on some fresh, soft hay. I've slept in worse places - I was homeless for a small stretch of my life - and I did sleep in Uncle A's barn when I went up to see him, years ago. I watch her as she sways her hips a little, and plops down on the blanket.
K: "Uh, well..."
AJ: *Giggle* "Gosh, yer cute when yer flustered.."
In retrospect, I think I projected my feelings of my wife onto Applejack here. Why I found this moment so inviting. Why I found myself without a shred of the same Catholic Guilt I felt with the Princesses, or the initial resistance I had to Luna's advances.. no, I found myself going over to the blanket and sitting down next to her.
K: "Well, friendship.. is that what you're offering?"
AJ: "Yeah.. somethin' else, too, if'n y'all really think I'm purty.."
She reclined back.. and I'm going 'Oh, what the fuck. She won't replace J{redacted}, but she's exactly what J would want me to be with.'
An honest girl that won't jerk me around.. and.. why am I enjoying this kiss so much? We kissed. It was different than the 'curiosity' that I explored with the Princesses. This was.. my head was pounding.. it was more than I can describe..
What came next, put what I did with Celestia and Luna to absolute shame. I did everything to her that I'd do to my wife.. and I'm good for about three hours between the foreplay, the oral, the massage, the cuddling, and the hard, dirty, nasty fucking, complete with flank-spanking, hair-pulling, and passionate, wet kisses. She does taste like Apples, folks, take it from a guy that tasted her.. and her natural juices.
Apparently, I taste like banana. And her mouth is just as toned as the rest of her. That tongue slipping along the base of my shaft, to my balls.. as she gently moaned.. the vibrations from this sending chills up my spine..
NO PISS! I'm not into that stuff.
We fucked. We fucked hard and passionate. It was easily 3AM by the time we were done. My balls ached by the time I was done, but it was worth every drop. We were asleep together as the sun came up.. and.. a very, very angry Big Mac was staring me in the face as I was getting dressed.
K: "MAC!"
Big Mac: "Mm.. *NOPE*"
K: "Ohshit.."
His face was fixed with a death glare.
K: "I.. uh.. I should go.. Rose.. wants me to make some pizzas for the lunch rush.."
Big Mac: *STOMP* "NOPE!"
I realized at this moment, he wanted me dead. I got serious.
K: "Mac, knock it off. Seriously. I'm leaving. Don't stop me - I don't want to fight." I got up, holding my hands in front of me.
He pawed the ground with fierce aggression, and started stomping over to me.
K: "..Applejack! Wake up!" I was panicked.
AJ: "Hwah? Uh.. MAC!" She saw the look on his face. "MAC! CALM DOWN!"
He charged me. I tried to avoid it, but he whipped his head, hard, and caught me with his collar. I was seeing stars.
AJ: "MAC! STOP IT! YOU'RE HURTIN' HIM!" She tried to intercede, but he BASHED her away with his head. She hit the ground, with a whimper.
K: "Oh, you fuck.." I cussed in MLP-land. Out loud. Screw it. I was MAD. "..crossed the line, big guy!"
PA-63 out I just managed to flick the safety off when he hit me with his hooves. The gun fired at the last second, scored a chunk of his collar, and fell from my suddenly useless left hand. It was broken.. he broke my fucking arm. My hunting knife came out.
K: "Don't make me do this, Mac! Come to your senses!"
He charged me as I back-pedaled. I tripped over a shovel, hit the ground, and lost my knife. He was right over me. I could swear I was about to die..
AJ: "LEAVE 'IM ALONE!!"
*WHAM!* AJ pounded Mac in the side with her head. Right in the ribs. I scrambled for my knife, but he back-leg kicked me into the wall. I could feel blood on my face. His right front hoof bashed his sister in the face. Blood. She fell, he turned to me, kicking the knife away..
K: "You want to kill me, don't you?" I snarled.
Big Mac: *Murderously* "Eyup.."
K: "Because I'm a human, and I dared lay with your sister!?" I sneered at him.
Big Mac: *Ferociously* "EYUP!!!"
K: "You racist bastard.. I thought only humans could hate without reason.." I spat out, disgusted.
He stood right over me. I had a look of anger and pain on my face. but I was NOT showing him fear. I was going to die like a Man. Proud.
AJ: *YYEAAAHHRRRR*
I could hear the unmistakable sound of a blade slamming into a bone.. the crack.. the sound of meat being wrent.. the look of shock in Big Mac's face.. and my knife, in AJ's teeth, sticking out of Mac's back, right where the kidney should be. Oh, god. No, no.. that could kill him.. no, I don't want to be responsible for this.. the pain.. the guilt.. one of my weapons is in Big Mac's kidney.. shock would follow immediately.. bleeding.. internal bleeding.. my head..
I blacked out.
When I woke up, I was in the clinic. Nurse Redheart was there. I sat up immediately, looking for injuries. My arm was bandaged and splinted, but my left hand was free.
K: "Applejack!? Macintosh!?" The nurse came over to me.. she smiled. "Is Macintosh alright!?"
Nurse Redheart: "He's going to be fine. I'll tell the others you're awake.."
She plodded off, and in moments, my room was full of ponies. My new friends.. and my new love.. Applejack had her forelegs around me, hugging me, crying..
K: "Applejack.. you.."
AJ: "Ahm' so sorry! Oh, Celestia, please forgive me.. Ah didn't know Mac'd go crazy like that!" She sobbed into my shoulder.
Angel was with Fluttershy. He looks like he wants to kill me. I did what I swore to him I wouldn't.. my actions have corrupted the world, and I knew it.
K: "I'm the one that should apologize. This is all my fault. I should never have left the palace. At least there, I couldn't have.. make Mac so angry.. make him.. do that.. I've.. I've done a terrible thing, just by being here." I fought to get out of the bed. "I should leave Equestria.. I don't belong here, and me being here is just going to bring you all pain.."
Twilight Sparkle: "That's ridiculous! You're our friend! We can't just let you go-"
K: "Twilight.. remember how many wars I talked about? Remember what I said.. about Hitler?" I cut her off.
Twilight's head drooped. She understood.
K: "Humans are poison to anything pure.. we're not pure creatures, even the most pious among us.. all I've done is bring corruption to this place. I've caused chaos.. and pain.."
Twilight Sparkle: "Chaos..?"
K: "Chaos.."
We both look at each other.. I think she understood what I meant. A couple of hours later, I have my things back and I'm heading out.
AJ: "Why're you doin' this?" She asked, in a pained voice.
K: "Because I want you to be happy, Applejack. I.. what we did.. it's not exactly natural.. Macintosh.." I shook my head.
AJ: "Hates me, now." She drooped to her haunches.
K: "But he's still your brother. He'll forgive you some day. But if I stay here, this won't happen." I nodded.
AJ: "Ah understand.." She's crying.
I want to hug her, hold her, and tell her it'll all be okay and we'll have a happy ending to all of this. But it would be a lie.
I set out. Along the same road that brought me here. Maybe I'll find what I'm looking for out there.. get home.. that's what I told Twilight.
It was several hours later that I got my answer. At the edge of the forest, there stood Discord. Gloating.
K: "Aren't you supposed to appear MUCH later?" I shrugged with one arm.
Discord: "Not at all. Finally figured it out, did you?" He twinkled his fingers together.
K: "You. You brought me here. You're the one that did this. What, are Celestia and Luna arguing over me, up there, now?!"
Discord: "You bet - it's quite a show, really. It's almost as entertaining as it was a thousand years ago." He smirked, smugly.
K: "You toyed with the emotions of my friends, put me in positions where I was forced to compromise my faith and my marriage, caused me to corrupt Equestria, start arguments between the princesses, and why!? Why didn't you take a Brony that'd be all up for this shit, and TELL him your plan!? Get a WILLING accomplice!" I waved my one unbroken arm.
Discord: "Because! This was more entertaining!" He tittered.
K: "FUCK you and your 'entertainment'! I don't want any part of your shit. SEND ME HOME, NOW." I pointed at the ground.
Discord: "You're in no position to make any demands, little human." He glared at me.
K: "What, am I secretly cousins to Danny, Megan, and Molly?" The only other humans I knew had come here.
Discord: "Who..?"
K: "Never mind. You're not omnipotent.. you're just a sad little patchwork quilt of suffering and self-loathing with a quirky voice. You're the saddest creature I've ever seen." I glared at him with disgust.
Discord: "I'd call this voice rather sexy, actually.." He grinned, cheekily.
K: "You stole that, too, I'll bet. Where from? The actual actor, or you just yank it out of a recording?" I sneered.
Discord: "Neither. Just some interdimensional traveler unlucky enough to cross my path in my home turf. You have no chance. Your BEST bet is to return to Ponyville.. maybe you and the Apple Pony can have a little happiness while you ruin her friendships, too!" He laughed to himself.
K: "That's your goal? Screw them up? Yeah, not happening." I glared at him.
PA-63 out. FEG makes good guns.. it was still in good shape after my scuff with Macintosh. Safety off. I'm not Naked Snake or Ghost, but I'm going to give it my all..
K: "I'm going to KILL you for what you've made me do!" I sneered at him.
Discord: "That will accomplish nothing. Besides, you'll fail." He pish-poshed my little fire stick.
K: "Really? Humans may not have magic, but we ARE experts at one thing.." I said, in the darkest voice I've ever spoken in.
Discord: "What would that be? Dying?" He smirked.
K: "Killing."
Without warning, I dropped the gun, and charged at him. I grabbed him, whipped him out of the air, and I started savagely beating him. No words, just my fists. No knife, no PA-63, no tools.. just unbridled human rage. Tears streamed down my face as I thought about everything I'd unwittingly helped screw up in the process of trying to make it better.. everything he'd coerced me into doing.. and I finished it off by grabbing his horns and, with an unearthly Caveman roar, PULLED THEM BOTH OFF OF HIS HEAD.
His screams of agony were heard all the way into Ponyville.
When it was over, he was barely breathing. I was standing over him, bathed in his blood. I fell back on my ass, staring at him. Holding those horns in my hand.
Suddenly, Celestia out of fucking nowhere!
K: "P-Princess Celestia!?" I stammered out, the adrenaline starting to wear off.
Princess Celestia: "You did it, K.. this was all you.. from beginning to end." She nodded sagely.
K: "What?" I was a bit confused.
Princess Celestia: "You were being used by him, by chaos, to spread chaos to order. But now, you've overcome that chaos. He's.. well, you've seriously messed him up.." She looked at his bloodied and broken form, with a bit of respectful surprise.
K: "I have.. I'm sorry.." I sighed loudly.
Princess Celestia: "Don't apologize. We were his victims, too." She nodded to me.
K: "I'm so sorry, I never intended for you and Luna to argue again.." I shook my head.
Princess Celestia: "We realized it was silly and apologized. Family is a powerful bond.." She shrugged her wings.
K: "What do I do now?" I shook my head at her.
Princess Celestia: "I think there's a very special somepony waiting for you in Ponyville.. I think you can work out your problems with her, at least until we can figure out another way to send you home.." She nodded to me.
K: "What about Meat Sack over there?" I said, with a sneer in my voice.
Princess Celestia: "Well, I can handle him, now.." She bowed her head.
Flash of light, no more Discord.
K: "Dead?"
Princess Celestia: "No. Banished to the limit of my ability to do so. He won't be back, at least not for a long time.." She nodded to me.
Celestia walked with me back to Ponyville. Applejack greeted me.. kissed me.. Mac shook hands with me.. Angel gave me a goddamned carrot. It was the best carrot ever. That night..
K: "Applejack, I haven't even been here a week.." I shrugged.
We were in the field behind the barn. On a blanket, staring at the stars.
AJ: "Best few days o' MY life.." She smiled a bit.
K: "Yeah.. listen.. I.. I don't know if I'll ever go home.." I trailed off.
AJ: "Ah know, sugarcube.." She nodded.
K: "But I'd like to make a home here, until.. IF.. it ever happens." I shrugged.
AJ: "Really!?" She looked up at me, sparkles in her eyes.. tears of joy..
K: "I don't know how they do things here, but.. I want you to be mine, Applejack. I don't care if it's unnatural, or if it's 'right' in the eyes of my God or not.. I'm here now, I might not LEAVE here, and I know my wife.. she told me that if anything happened to her, that I should find someone. Well, something happened to me.. and I've found.. you." I caressed her face with my right hand.
I was tackled and kissed. First, a flurry of pecks all over the face, then a passionate one right on the mouth. Such a romantic spot - a field, on a blanket, at night. I discarded the thought, and clung hard to my new love, kissing her forehead tenderly, hands sliding all over her back. I could feel nothing but a pure, warm love for her, the kind of love that courses over one's body, through one's heart and soul, and leaves them charged and ready for anything the future holds.
K: "Applejack.. I love you.."
{End of Prologue}
